Coen, left, and Bigham, right, on base in Iraq.
Let me tell you about my first kill, so you can understand the way death may or may not affect the living party.
It took place in Hit, Iraq, on February 13th, 2006. I was on point, patrolling south, and searching for IEDs on the Main Service Road. I was doing everything a 19 year old does when he thinks that he is bulletproof. I would jump down into IED craters and kick the dirt around.
The largest crater was also the last, and closest, to base. I had just finished climbing out of the crater and was resuming the trek south. I was looking over my left shoulder, making sure I wasn’t walking too fast. I hear a Marine scream, “GRENADE”.
I rotated my body fully to the right, bringing my rifle to the alert simultaneously. I see the person in the follow through of his throw. The grenade is spinning slowly, the spoon coming off slowly. The sound of body armor, and the bodies they protect, hitting the concrete created a strange thump, thump, thump sound. I pulled the trigger, quickly, twice. Pop… Pop.
The grenade was a dud.
We approach the person, carefully, we don’t know if he has any more explosives on him. As I get near him, it is abruptly clear he is leaving this world, and soon. He is suffocating on his own blood. He is blowing blood bubbles through his red teeth. He is crying. There are bubbles coming from the two holes in his chest. One to the left of his heart, and the other to the right.
Death took him, and there were no new bubbles.
He cried no more. I checked his ID. He is 12.
I wept that night.
The rest of the kills I made did not affect me in this way at all. It is true what they say, the first is the worst, and then it only gets easier.. I also learned I was not bulletproof.
-Written by Mills Palmer Bigham on October 3, 2009 at 2:43 AM -
The mission of Hidden Wounds is to provide peace of mind and comfort for military personnel suffering from combat stress injuries such as PTSD and TBI until the Veteran’s Administration or Veteran’s Affairs agencies can deliver long-term services to our clients through government programs.
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Mr and Mrs. Bigham, my heart goes out to you both and your Daughter Anna. That is my son, Brendon Coen in the picture with your son, Mills. I wish there were something I could say or do that could help ease your pain and loss. This site made me relize that I need to ask the tough questions and talk more often to my Son. I will do that starting today, not tomorrow, today. Again I am so sorry for your loss. You can reach me at mc5allyn@aol.com or 860-608-7181 anytime.
Mark Coen
Mark, Thank you. I looked ptsd in the eye and did not recognize nor know what I was seeing. Only with hindsight did I realize that my son had it for 2 years following his first deployment. We have our own lives to live also and often are not aware of the pain our sons and daughters experience, especially ptsd, combat fatigue, shell shock or whatever the current term is. Keep talking to your son. Semper Fi, John
Dear Mr. Bigham,
I found about your program from a link on facebook. My heart breaks for your family. My father was a Marine for 26 years. I have been an active volunteer for our military troops for the past few years. I am a member of http://www.soldiersangels.org and http://www.patriotguard.org I want you to know I will do anything to support your organization.
Semper Fi,
Lori
Hi Lori, As we go on, we are learning that there are many groups and people like you. Come see us at our pancake breakfast! John