A Father’s Memory…

Family photo at Camp Lejeune, NC.

Mills arrived after several false alarms, “John, your wife just called and said come home, the baby is on the way!” And back home I would drive as fast as possible until on April 8, 1986 Mills finally arrived. There are many fine excellent memories of my son, but I never could have imagined his end. His final day is topmost in my mind. Seeing him prone in the back of his old Tahoe, dried blood flowing down his neck in seven or eight streams, his beautiful face gray, and dead, a 410 shotgun charge above his nose into his brain, cops all around. I look into the back, knowing what I will see. “Sir, please get back.” But he is my only son, Mills, he was a Marine, he had PTSD, oh no. Then the investigator interviews me, and I give him whatever details I know. We walk upstairs and tell Margaret Ann, his mother. All is a dream. We expected this for months, hoped it would not happen, he sought help from the VA to no avail, government health care rules without reason. I walk back downstairs to the parking level – they have my son zipped up in a black body bag, rolling him away. These final visions of my son are foremost in my vision now. I cannot erase them. They run continuously.

I am looking at you, talking to you, but on a dual screen I see Mills my son dead in the back of the Tahoe, then being rolled away.

This should never happen to you. It should never happen to Patriots who serve America. It should never happen to your son or daughter who enlists in military service to our Country. It does. Today we fight piecemeal wars. We send our sons and – God forbid- our daughters – to fight with hands behind their backs.  We do not fight to win for our freedom, our rights, our Constitution. But this is not what our foundation is about.

Hidden Wounds is about finding help for our military who suffer the consequences of war. It is about those who fall through the cracks. Those who die because they drink and won’t be treated. All who serve are wounded somehow. But why should your children, even if it is a few statistically, die by their own hand? Mills did what was asked by the Marine Corps and our Country. He enlisted to kill Osama, he told me remembering 911.

Is there a way to prevent even one death from suicide caused by PTSD. I think so. Please help to keep another family from experiencing what mine has – when your veteran kills themselves, they kill their family also.

Helping even one family survive PTSD is the sole purpose of Hidden Wounds.

John Mills Bigham

December 16, 2009

This entry was posted on Thursday, December 17th, 2009 at 12:25 am. It is filed under Memorials and tagged with father, iraq, marine, mills, ptsd, suicide. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.